But rather than go into my favorites, let me break down the scientific basis for coffee's popular success. First off, it originates from a bean. And beans are the absolute best gift on earth. From cocoa, to green, to navy, to Jack and his magical beanstalk, nothing beats the versatility and nutritional reward of the bean family. I have volunteered to live only off of beans just to prove this point, but since it is understood to be Truth, I'll simply save it for the afterlife where all things perfect belong.
Secondly, coffee is brewed. If the nation was asked to rank it's top 3 beverage processing techniques, brewing would easily top the list, followed closely by shaken and stirred. Which, conveniently, stirring also applies to coffee.
Thirdly, coffee is highly customizable. Not only can standalone winners such as cream and sugar be added in any proportions, but bourgeois versions with whipped cream and extra shots of espresso can be added. In less common varieties, the caffeine even be removed and repackaged as Rock Star energy drinks. What other beverage can so dominate the human pallet that it remains popular even after removing the primary drug?
No other beverage comes close to this magnitude of acceptance. Plus, it is found that when these primary elements of greatness are combined that more formidable delights are possible, such as Vanilla Java Porter. However, by removing any of these elements, mediocre compromises result, such as Old English Tea, green bean casserole, and burritos. No, the recipe for success is clear, but as in consuming anything great in the world, "Everything in moderation, including moderation."
Which makes the bottomless cup of coffee supreme, on occasion.
(Shout out to Square Cafe, Eat'N Park (in restaurant and home brew), Ale Mary's, and
