Yesterday was the annual Polar Bear plunge in the Chesapeake Bay. One of perhaps several around the country. How do I know this? Well, it's covered quite extensively in the news, all sorts of print and television articles. You hear about it for days leading up to the event, during the event, and afterwards. You also hear about it from locals in town, brave or crazy souls who take the plunge..... for charity.
C'mon, give me a break. You mean to tell me that the whole exercise is rooted in helping others? A humble act of kindness not meant for any real attention or recognition? Sure, yet that is what the articles claim. Thousands of crazy folks dive into the frigid waters for charity's sake. Or you hear about it firsthand from groups or individuals who have nothing to prove other than they are taking the dip "for the ___ foundation" or to "help raise money for our friend ___ who is in need".
Don't get me wrong, I am glad that some charitable donations can be made as a result of these unusual endeavors. But don't tell me that charity is the root of participants motives. Don't even tell me that charity is a motive. Because it isn't. Anybody who claims to do anything for charity, or who announces that they donate money to anyone, is no longer acting in a selfless manner. But this is a common thread in much of any publicized charitable acts, not just exclusive to the Polar Bears. What sets the Polar Bears apart is the additional pride, attention, and improvement in social status they seek by humbly stripping to their briefs, "braving" the cold, and performing an act that would otherwise not be considered socially acceptable or normal.
How about next year, instead of jumping into the Bay, why not donate $20 (or whatever the fee is) to UNICEF and quietly hit yourself on the head with a hammer? Oh wait, nobody else is doing it, you probably won't get on TV, and you'll probably fall a few rungs on the social ladder. Why do you think an organization can even get away with charging people for jumping into a freezing body of water? (Yes, an organization, not the end recipients of all the funds - middlemen are making a cut from your non-sense, so in part some of your "donation" is probably going to tents, food, or response personnel to ensure your death can't become litigated.). It's because they know that people are willing to pay for an improvement in their social status. It's no different than touting a Chanel purse, sporting Abercrombie, or driving a Beemer. But at least in those instances there's no false pretense of charity.
But what's further amazing in this classic chest-thumping gorilla exercise is that now so many people are part of the club that a more extreme variation has evolved for the true donators. Instead of plunging once into the murky water, participants can jump once an hour in the water for 24 hours. Whoa! I can't believe how much you care about others! I wonder what will come next, agreeing to shave all hair (i.e. insulation) from your body before jumping in. Only the strong will endure.
Next time just call a spade a spade and confess your longing need for belonging. Or get drunk and have a good time without regard for the veiled true cause. Whatever you do, humble thyself just one notch and don't accept any recognition in the name of charity. We're already giving you props for stripping and flapping around like a polar chicken.
